"The goal in any partnership is not to think alike, but to think together; to communicate all differences until a compromise is reached. :)"
*note: Partnerships refers to anytime of relationships - friends, family, BGR, husbands, wives, business partners etc.*
When I tweeted this, guys retorted with this statement: "The girls always want us guys to give in one la..."
This made me wonder if all guys feel that way and to what degree do people desire for their soul mates to appear and also if it could be possible that the potential mate would share 95% of your intellectual interests and views.
I personally believe that no one should always give in. There should always be a reason behind every action. Whether that action is a rational one or not, the reason behind it is vital. And in any disagreement, whoever has the most rational reasonings, gets 3/5 or more of the compromise and the other gets 2/5 or less. I also do not think that a full compromise is right because that would seem selfish, derogatory and would only be a prejudicial concession - much like a surrender. I feel that at the end of the day, there is a limit to anyone's tolerance. No matter how patient one is, one day, the volcano would slowly but surely erupt.
I love to engage in "friendly" (sometimes, it would turn agressive especially when I am trying to get my point across.... hahahahahahヽ(ｏ`皿′ｏ)ﾉヽ(ｏ`皿′ｏ)ﾉ) debates and listen to other's opinions.
BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do ensure that your reasonings are sound and not some crap you drew out from the toilet bowl. Thanks! I do listen to and at times accept other people's opinions, ( although not very often.... what?! At least I am admitting it, right? wahahahha =p ) if I deem them trustworthy and points pointed out valid.
No lasting relationship can ever be achieved entirely through tolerance, this I totally agree. But there has to be some amount of tolerance involved. However, how much is some? This would then depend on the people involved. Everyone has their limits and boundaries. For me, I have a 3 strikes limit to everything. Once this limit is surpassed (at strike 3), I would turn from sane to 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸 "insane". Hahahhaha... My structural integrity would break into pieces and in its place would be a soft rumbling escalating into a full fledged ROYAL RUUUMMMMMmmmmmBBBLE!!! hahahahahhaha =p
Therefore, I feel that it is important to learn how to successfully communicate with your partners, this prevents matters from escalating to a stage beyond repair and also enhances one's relationships.
Here are a few tips on how to communicate with your partners and getting your points across :
These points are pointed out to me by my mentor.
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Aiyah, but I always say 反话. Everytime I try to "solicit" something out of my partners, I would say the opposite thing, to me, this tests their loyalty / love / amount of sacrifice they are willing to put in for me. Wahahahhahaha ya la ya la I am very very very very very irritating.
*Shall go sit in one corner and slap myself.... =p*
Disclaimer : By "solicit", I meant getting people to "sayang" me!!!!!
2. Do what you say and say what you do.
Ok, this statement speaks for itself.
3. Pay attention to other people's body reactions and needs.
In any relationships, there would be needs that are unmet and when these needs are ignored, resentment would take its place. The common method that everyone uses to voice out their unmet needs are to blame one another, put the other party down, being critical of the other's actions or decisions OR to complain. And if ignored, it could snowball into a huge spat. If we pay attention to one another's needs and body reactions, we would be able to identify what they may need or at least identify that there is a need and seek to understand what that need is. For me, I feel that it is more effective to preempt any arguments.
My personal mantra : It is crucial to focus on what I want, instead of what is happening that is getting on my nerves. AND AND AND Prevention is always better than cure!!!! ( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )
4. Everyone's feelings, needs, wants, thoughts, opinions, way of doing things, preferences, choice, taste are legit.
You have to understand and identify your own thought processes and express these to your partner(s). Choice of words should be noted. You should also know that it is okay to be yourself, your reaction to everything depends on your upbringing, people whom you have close contact with and your personal experiences. Therefore you are not at fault when your thoughts or opinions or actions differ from your partners. A good partner would recognise this and respect your decisions and choices. A good partner does not have to fully understand or 100% agree with you in order for your decisions or choices to be respected, logical or legit. A good partner might disagree but after stating their views, would come to a compromise with you. Learn to accept each other's point of views and respect each other's life experiences and you'll be able to deepen your bond. =)
5. Learning to play an excellent supporting role.
At times, you are the lead actor / lead actress. But sometimes, you have to play the supporting role, what we call the calefare. Learn to become a good listener, practise to become the president of your partners' fan club and strive to show the support your partners seek.
Listening to your partners makes them feel that you are showing them efforts to understand how they feel or think.
When you are the president of your partners' fan club, you are their greatest admirers. Their biggest fan.
And there is only one fan that should matter to your partners the most : YOU.
Striving to show your partners the support they seek is through your actions in aiding them to become the BEST that they can be. EG : When they are having exams, you should co-ordinate and ensure that the environment is conducive for studying. When they are stressed out at work, you should try to help them destress and provide a safe, unprejudiced haven for them to retreat to instead of getting pissed over having to do your partner's share of the household chores. ( Ya la ya la... easier said than done, but at least try ma!!! I said STRIVE, didn't I? hahahah =p )
Communication and compromise helps create beautiful memories in all partnerships, it enriches everyone's life and strengthens your bonds. It shows your partners that you are respectful and mindful of their situations; it gives your partners a sense of security; it shows how responsible you truly are; and it prevents any resentment from escalating.
Perhaps it is time to reboot your partnerships and show your partners that you truly care, respect and value them. Don't be surprised when you try my tips and the level of intimacy and trust sky rockets!
P/s: If it works, you peeps owe me a heartfelt air kiss ah!!!!!! REPEAT : AIR KISS..... come come don't be shy... lol... =)
And remember ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN! =)