Relationships can either be the most awesome thing of your life or the most painful. However, there's a difference between affairs of the heart and expressions of love and commitment. Today, I was asked,"What do you look for in a relationship?"
As the years passed, my requirements changed. I know what I want and need in a relationship partner and this gives me a clearer picture of how I need love to be expressed to me and how I express love to my partner.
You should always take the time to think about what kind of partner will best match your needs, this helps you save time and also........ heartache.
- If he means something to you, COMPROMISE with your partner.
Eg. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the cold so so so much. So everytime I sleep, I would turn the air-con to 16 degrees and I would feel super shiok!!!! But because no one else can stand the cold except me. Yala yala... I'm like a polar bear. lol.... =p So for the sake of my partner's sanity, I usually adjust the temperature to 21 or 22 degrees.
- Respecting each other's decisions and judgements, even if your opinions differ from each other. Everyone has a right to choose! Remember this!!! Don't force your other half to do something they do not want to do. To me, he can walk in an opposite direction from me, yet we would remain side by side; because I would support him in whatever that he does and I hope it is the same for him. I feel that no one should be controlled like a robot/ playdoll / barbie doll / ken doll. Sooner or later, the controlled party would want to break free.
- I want my partner who will be there when I cry, pick me when I fall, laugh with me, have fun with me, discuss serious issues with me and just be there to accompany me should the going get tough.
- Love me unconditionally : Even if I'm bimbotic, clumsy, poor with directions, spill my food, weird, crazy or fat. To my loved one, it should always be ok. Because he knows my ugliest side and to him, its absolutely adorable!!! =D I want someone who gives to me and expects nothing in return.
- I want to be myself and not feel inhibited or worry of being judged by my other half. Vice versa.
- I want to help him grow into a better person, and he me. Encouraging each other so as to bring out the best in each other.
- I want to be the 1st person he calls if he has anything to share. Vice versa.
- I want someone who will set me free to be who I am and trust that I will always return, vice versa.
- I want someone who will be completely honest with me, and not cheat behind my back.
- I want someone patient.
- I want someone filial.
- I want someone who is not afraid of change or growth.
- I want someone who adds value to my life, values the relationship and me above everything and always puts me first.
- I want someone who will create awesome memories with me. Even if its in the darkest time of our life, I would keep those memories close to my heart.
- I want someone who fervently wants to understand me and fulfill my unique and individual needs.
- I want someone who never assumes they know what I mean and takes time to understand what I truly meant. To me, all men need to be in touch with their feminine sides, and vice versa so that we can understand each other better.
- I want someone who is supportive and secure. He knows exactly who he is and is sure of his identity. He is unfrazzled by others.
- I want someone who will fight my demons with me, and I'll fight his with him. When we're tired of fighting, we can sit down and whine to each other. We will listen to each other's opinions but the end decision would be decided by the person himself / herself. Only he/ she can decide which is the best solution for him/ her. And when a solution is chosen, the other party would be behind them telling them,"It's ok. Just do it! I'm right here for u. If you fall, I'll always catch u." I might not agree with everything my partner does but for me, I do not want him to be a 'yes' man either. I don't want nor NEED a 'dog'. I want to tell my partner my opinions and he can choose for himself. We would each have our own freedom of choice, yet respect each other's freedom of choice. THIS, is what I call true FREEDOM.
- I want someone who would sit me down and ask me to take a look at my actions as all actions triggers a reaction. And also tell me how to react in the case of an argument, then provide a list of solutions on how to react.
- I want someone who knows their boundaries and how they should and should not react in our relationship. And not stepping out of that boundary would be crucial.
- Being in a relationship entails sparing a thought for the other party's thoughts or feelings when doing something.
- Lastly, both of us have to understand that we have to give and take in the relationship. Most of the time, I want to take and he can continuously give.... wahahhahahahahaha *disclaimer, I'm just joking!!!* Wherever possible, it is important to apply this pharse :"It is more fulfilling to give than to receive."
Choosing the right partner is vital but this is no easy feat. However, when you find that ONE special person, your quality of life is totally enhanced. The right partner brings out the best in you and he/ she only wants the best for you. The right partner would also not be afraid to give you a kick in the shin should you go overboard. The right partner would also mirror back to you the qualities that you can't see in yourself, whether it is good or bad.
In times of conflict, the right partner would see this as a growth opportunity for us as a couple and a chance to better ourselves. It is essential to improve ourselves whether we are in a relationship or not, the right partner would be very open to change and growth. With the right partner, your team is stronger. With the right partner, you have the courage to brave the winds, you have the ability to race down the speed bumps of life and feel on top of the world.