Ever since my article was printed on Her World August 2008 Edition, I have received numerous emails seeking for help. I usually reply all these emails with a very heavy heart and lots of anger directed towards abusers. I cannot understand why any MAN would have the heart to hit the very same person whom he claims to love.

In fact, abuse is not only about physically walloping another person. Abuse is much more than that. I may be "mis-representing" facts and state that the majority of abusers are MAN.


Are you in an abusive relationship?
You may be in an abusive relationship if your current boyfriend, spouse or partner has done any of the following:
  • Withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment.
    (DAMN THESE PEOPLE, OPEN UP THEIR MOUTHS AND PRAISE YOU LIKE CAN DIE IS IT? )


  • Continually criticized you, called you names or shouted at you.
    (THESE STUPID ABUSIVE PEOPLE ARE NOT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU AND THIS IS CALLED BULLYING! IF THEY ARE SO SMART AND CAN ONLY CRITICIZE YOU, THEN ASK THEM TO DO EVERYTHING THEMSELVES!)



  • Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, class or sexual preference. (SINCE ALL THEY DO IS PUT YOU DOWN, YOU SHOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER PUTTING THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! WHY WASTE TIME WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE WHO CAN ONLY JEER AT YOU?)


  • Been very jealous -- harassed you about imagined affairs.
    (WHAT ARE THEY? SCHIZOPHRENIC?! THE VOICES IN THEIR STUPID HEAD IS TELLING THEM THAT YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY JUST BESIDE THEM? SERIOUSLY, PARDON ME, BUT I THINK ALL ABUSERS ARE STUPID DIMWITS!!!! AND ALL OF YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT!)



  • Manipulated you with lies.
    ( AS IF TELLING A LIE IS NOT BAD ENOUGH. USING THEIR STUPID LIE TO MANIPULATE YOU IS DAMN LOW CLASS.)



  • Insisted you dress the way he/she wants.
    (SINCE THEY INSISTS ON SPREADING THEIR LOUSY DRESS SENSE TO YOU, WHY CAN'T THEY DRESS THE WAY YOU TELL THEM TO? ALL IS FAIR IN A RELATIONSHIP, NO? AND IF YOU WANT THESE ABUSERS TO WEAR A GARBAGE BAG OUT OF THE HOUSE TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS, THESE ABUSERS HAS TO SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU ARE HONORING WHAT THEY WANT. SUGGESTING AND INSISTING IS REALLY TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. ANYWAY, WHAT ARE THEY ANYWAY? HITLER IN THE MAKING?)



  • Humiliated you in private or public.
    (AS IF GOING OUT WITH THEM IS NOT HUMILIATING ENOUGH, WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO HUMILIATE YOU IN PUBLIC? IF YOUR PARTNER SAYS IN PUBLIC, " SHE IS SO FAT AND STUPID, I DO NOT KNOW WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE I AM WITH HER." THEN HE CAN VERY WELL GO TO HELL. SINCE HE IS SO GRAND AND HANDSOME AND WHATEVER, GO AND FIND A NEW GIRLFRIEND. YOU DO NOT NEED THIS KIND OF PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. )



  • Insulted or driven away your friends or family.
    ( WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO INSULT YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS? IF THEY ARE RUDE TO YOUR LOVED ONES, IT SIMPLY SHOWS THAT THEY DO NOT RESPECT YOU. TRUST ME, THIS IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU.)



  • taken car keys or money away.
    ( I SWEAR I HATE THIS TO THE CORE. ANYONE WHO TAKES MY CAR WITHOUT MY PERMISSION DESERVES TO HAVE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BIRD SHIT HAULED AT THEM. )



  • Subjected you to reckless driving.
    (I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MYSELF. WHILE I WAS DRIVING, HE HIT ME ON THE FACE AND MY CAR SWERVED. SERIOUSLY, IF THESE ABUSERS WANT TO DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT, THEY ARE IN THIS ALONE. THEY NEED NOT SUBJECT US TO RECKLESS DRIVING BECAUSE WE DO NOT WANT TO DIE WITH ABUSERS!)



  • Thrown objects at you.
    (OH I AM SO EXPERIENCED AT THIS! THE FIEND LOVES TO SNATCH MY HANDPHONE AND FLING IT AT ME ALL THE TIME. WHAT YOU CAN DO IS TO RUN AWAY OR RUN TO THE ROOM AND HIDE UNTIL THE ABUSER HAS CALMED DOWN. USUALLY, WHEN THE FIEND DOES HIS THROWING ACT AT ME, I WOULD RUN AWAY WITH MY CAR KEYS AND DRIVE OFF. BUT SERIOUSLY ONLY A LUNATIC WOULD BEHAVE IN THIS MANNER.)



  • Abused pets to hurt you.
    (OH AND HE IS SO EXPERIENCED AT THIS ONE. I REALLY REALLY CANNOT TOLERATE ANIMAL ABUSE. THOSE WHO DO NOT LOVE ANIMALS, DESERVE TO HAVE ANIMAL MANURE STUFFED DOWN THEIR THROATS.)



  • Punched, shoved, slapped, bit, kicked,, choked or hit you.
    (ONLY A COWARD AND A DERANGED PERSON WOULD DO THIS. AND WHEN YOU ARE BEING HIT OR SLAPPED OR ABUSED PHYSICALLY, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT BACK AND TRY TO RUN AWAY INSTEAD OF SILENTLY BEARING WITH IT.)



  • raped you or subjected you to other violent or degrading non-consensual sexual acts.
    (IN THIS CASE, I WOULD STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT ALL WOMEN GO FOR AKIDO LESSONS FROM YOUNG. THIS WOULD PROTECT YOU FROM ANY FORM OF ABUSE.)



  • Threatened to commit suicide if you leave.
    (LEAVE ANYWAY. ABUSERS DO NOT CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THEY HAVE PROMISED YOU THAT THEY WOULD CHANGE. REMEMBER A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS. DO NOT TURN BACK EVEN IF THEY SAY THIS. TRUTHFULLY, WHEN I REALLY COULD NO LONGER STAND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE ABUSER, I TOLD HIM I WANTED OUT. AND HE USED THIS I-AM-GOING-TO-COMMIT-SUICIDE-RIGHT-BEFORE-YOUR-EYES ACT ON ME. HE SAT ON THE CORRIDOR WALL OF THE 2ND STOREY AND SHOUTED : "I WILL JUMP NOW IF YOU LEAVE ME." I HARDENED MY HEART AND TOLD HIM : "THEN JUMP. ITS ONLY THE SECOND STOREY, YOU'LL ONLY BE CRIPPLED AT THE MOST AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU." SERIOUSLY SPEAKING, ALL ABUSERS LOVE THEMSELVES TOO MUCH TO EVEN CONSIDER SUICIDE. IT'S ALL AN ACT!)



That said, some find it hard to be truly free of harassment from these abusers. It takes a significant amount of strength, courage and even pain to walk out of an abusive relationship. Even after leaving the abuser, he would tend to find ways to hurt you, put you down, stalk you and even threaten you. Sometimes, even the police cannot do anything.


What you would need in this case is family support. Confide in a family member of the stress that your relationship is causing to you. If you are not close to your family, or if you do not feel comfortable to confide to a family member, you can try speaking to a church member, cell member or if you are not part of any religious group, you can call THE AWARE HELPLINE at 1800 774 5935 between 3 pm to 9.30 pm on all working days.


Read more about AWARE AT : AWARE


NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT ABUSE YOU PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY!!!
And only you can make the decision to nip this abuse in the bud.


REMEMBER PROTECTING YOURSELF ALSO HELPS PROTECT THOSE YOU LOVE.



Fact Sheet taken from : The Family & Community Development Website

Under the Law, it is considered a crime if:

  • A person voluntarily causes hurt, whereby hurt is defined as bodily pain, disease or sickness.
  • A person voluntarily causes serious hurt by dangerous weapons or means. Examples of grievous hurt are permanent loss of the sight of an eye, permanent dis figuration of the face, dislocation of a bone.
  • A person wrongfully restraints another person by preventing the person from proceeding in any direction he/she desires.


Stop torturing yourself now. Seek professional advice if you are in an abusive relationship now.



P/s: I apologise if I sound overly critical and angry in this post, because I am feeling the anger while typing this whole post.

Having said all this, there are good man out there, but the good man are harder to find. =)