Grandma passed away last night. I rushed down as soon as I heard the news. I was tearing so much.. I couldn't help it. I sped at 130km/h on the narrow winding roads to her house.. yes I know the limit is 50-60km/h and I don't care if the TP gave me a speeding ticket. I just don't care!!!

I'm too late I didn't see her go... i didn't even greet my relatives... I don't understand why either... i just don't feel like it... went to her room and knelt by her bed side... I held her hand and whispered: "Thank you for taking care of me... I'm sorry.." I went outside where mum was discussing with the church elders for grandma's funeral and I hugged mum. Tears cascaded down onto mum's left shoulder... She squeezed my hand...

The church elders asked about the catering for the funeral. I wanted to say: "I'll sponsor." But I didn't. I don't understand why the words couldn't come out... I glanced at my uncles and aunts and I can only feel one emotion: ANGER!

Why when grandma was alive and ill no one wanted to come visit her except my mum and us and my youngest aunt with whom granny lives with.... WHY???? Then now that she is dead... NONE OF MY FREAKING COUSINS are at her house... none of her grandchildren came except me, my brother and sister and one other young cousin who is 5yrs old... WHERE are the rest? Don't tell me that you have to study... university very busy... what FREAKING excuse you have can??? Your grandmother just passed away can? Where were you when she was alive? and now that she's gone you're still too busy for her.... I don't understand... I really don't....

I had to leave early because I had to close shop... was not in the right state to drive... I might cause an accident... am blinded by my tears... I feel drained suddenly... and the only pillar of support I had was HG... he drove and told me: "Its ok, she's with the Lord now. She'll feel happier there..."

Thank you HG for being there... when no one else bothered... not even my own cousins... her own grandchildren...

I'm ok... I just want to be left alone...